10 things to know before dating an extroverted introvert

We will look into what makes your irritable, what makes you happy, or even look for signs if you are trying to deceive us. We want to know you.


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We want to know the pieces of your being. We are confident, grounded, happy, and adventurous. We are also self-conscious, reserved, quiet, and curious. We will make you feel like the most important person in the entire world, but we may need a little extra love on our quiet days. Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday.

You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. We find people intriguing, but insanely exhausting. We like adventures, but love peace and quiet. We want to go out, but need to mentally prepare ourselves. We are terrible at texting back, but can sit and listen to someone speak for hours. We are outgoing introverts.

9 Things You Need To Know Before Dating An Outgoing Introvert

Sometimes an extroverted introvert will go an entire day without speaking to another human being and not think twice about it. They love being by themselves, and find being alone reading a book, watching a movie, or partaking in any other solitary pastime, extremely invigorating. Just because you're good on your own, doesn't mean it's always good for you. Extroverted introverts still get lonely when they cross the fine line between loving their alone time, and needing social interaction.

Extroverted introverts are good at meeting others' parents, partners, girlfriends and boyfriends, bosses, you name it. They could even meet the Duchess of Cambridge and probably make her laugh. They're good at asking questions because they don't really like talking about themselves, but still manage to walk away knowing the person they were talking to thought they were the interesting one. On any given day, an extroverted introvert might feel like complete solitude.

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That means no replying to messages and texts, and they'll only pick up the phone if they think it's important. Extroverted introverts can be bad at messaging, not because they don't want to talk to you, but because they don't want to talk to anyone. Sure, extroverted introverts like making a good impression and want to be noticed. Strange, most of the people having Extroverted Introvert personality are directly or indirectly connected to Psychology and Sociology.

Dear Extroverts: You Must Know These 3 IMPORTANT Tips About Dating An Introvert | Thought Catalog

No wonder that I am into Psychology subject. I believe I am also the one. I am glad to land on this post as I could get many people like me which makes me feel I am no different than many others. Only recently have I discovered this explanation of who I believe I am. It has been very freeing to hear others stories about the same experience. It was vicariously painful to watch and feel. I talked and worked tenaciously for them to see their own uniqueness and beauty. Many wise people have come in and out of my life to help me learn so much.

At this point as a 75 year old, I can say that all of it is coming full circle for me. Thank you for these messages. Hello Thanks so much for posting this. But this does perfectly. Usually they describe universal human traits that are never really talked about openly; think of un-talked about subjects like how your body reacts when you think there is one more step than there actually is at the end of a set of stairs. That being said, I believe you have described the psychological condition of Bipolar II Disorder, albeit in much more positive, beneficial nomenclature and syntax than a psychiatrist would give.

In this way, it is similar to a personality test you can take on the internet or from some sort of governing institution think the Myers Briggs Test. It does not take a far leap in logic to realize this rather evident truth; psychiatrists need a better grasp on the way in which people like the author and myself handle ourselves in society.

If i were a betting man, I would wager that if I walked into a psych ward, I would be diagnosed with some sort of bipolar disorder even though I have led a successful and exciting life. Imagine, especially today when mental health is at the forefront of the modern medical revolution, extroverted introverts being diagnosed, or rather misdiagnosed, as having bipolar disorder and then being sedated by medication for the rest of their days. There really should be better terminology when dealing with mental health as having a certain personality should not be considered a disease at all.

This article explains me so accurately, I often fight with myself to go out and see friends or meet new people. I only like doing a select amount of activities and they are very limited. I am open to talking to people who struggle like I do in this sense if they need be at my email: Wow did this resonate in every way. I was told that I am masking because I should only be one or the other. So, thanks for this article. So enlightening and freeing!! The part that always seems interesting is when others might assume that they made me mad or did something wrong. I have often wondered why people are surprised to know I prefer to avoid large crowds and when I tell them I have depression and anxiety, they have a hard time believing me.

Because I function so well in the day-to-day world they assume this is me all of the time. More recently I became aware that I am quite selective about my social activities and I think this is because my energy reserve depletes quickly. So I choose what and with whom I spend my energy with. I would like to have more friends and do more, however over the last 5 years or so I noticed I turn away more invitation. As well I am less likely to pursue friendships because ultimately my time and energy will be used. If family or friends read this they will think I am pompous or arrogant to determine if a friendship is worth my time and energy.

I feel bad about that. This is exactly me! There is something that you missed though. To be honest, it is frustratingly difficult to maintain good friendships. Also, I totally get the fear of being trapped at a party. Idk who I am. I think in a way Im more of an ambivert. Im shy but I sometimes feel like I dont really care to talk to people.

In a way sometimes I hate small talk but I dont really care if there is quiteness around me and my friends. But then sometimes I hate it. Idk I kight be a shy ambivert or shy extrovert. My dads a big introvert and my mom is a shy extrovert. Idk sometimes I feel more like my mom. My dad really avoids socializing unlike me but idk. I always kind of live in a daydream and dont really need socializing to be entertained.

I mea of they start having conversations with me and giving me attention Ill open up more or be interested but if theyre just stonefaced, or cant entertain you much, or if their shy I dont really like them. I mean sometimes I dont mind happy shy people but idk sometimes I rarely find people like that. I always feelmore energized when I socialize but I dont mind being alone to but I have to be interested in something to be alone. Otherwise if Im not distracted by something I might socialize with friends or just daydream and doodle.

I dont really need socializing but I think my problem is that I cant trust people easily and it makes me loose friends easily. Also Im probably not the most loyal person but idk only if I really trust them or if they keep giving attention to me. Well, that solves, to a certain extent, something about myself that has over the years, both puzzled me and sometimes worried me. Years ago and mostly because I opened my big mouth at the wrong moment, I was elected as the union rep. When the moment came for me to address a union meeting, I was astonished how easy it was.

I simply stood up and said everything I had to say and afterwards answered a lot of questions about the problem that we were meeting for. If I do weaken and agree to go, usually before an hour is up, I will be slowly sliding along a wall towards the nearest door and then making my escape.

To make it worse, I nearly always leave without telling anyone, especially my host. I lie to them. What else can I say to them? I also live alone. For almost twenty years, it was just my son and I and now he has moved to another city to further his career. At first I missed him terribly and I still do miss him, but I also love having the whole house to myself and being able to come and go as I please, without having to take any other person into consideration. In short, believe in yourself. You hit the nail in the head, with me!

I have my own business, which is all extrovert! I am a professional organizer, homes stager, and interior designer…. I was once selected for a year-long executive leadership program. Prior to the program we had to take an extensive Myers-Briggs test. The program was well though out, organized and generally a fantastic experience where I met some great people and learned a lot about myself and leadership. The only flaw, and it is a flaw I find in almost every educational and training situation, it seems as if the whole program is designed to force introverts to be extroverts.

It seems our entire training and education system is designed to stifle, intimidate, and force introverts to think and interact as if they were extroverts. And i just HATE small talk! That contentment, i never realized was there until i lost it after changing my attitude deliberately. Back then i was connected with Allah GOD. We feel like we are not the type built for This world. I know its confusing but think about it, the universe needs more people like us, we need to be there for children, girls and boys, wives and daughters, fathers and husbands, who need help.

We need to help Who are subjected to cruelty just like we were once. And we need to help them figure out just like we did that they are not the odd ones. Who else knows better than us that help is needed to survive through tough times.


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Its like we have to make this very peaceful and loving group of people, and add in them as many as we meet, who have a spark of goodness in them. Because those were the moment that gave them actual happiness. I strongly believe that, Because otherwise it makes no sense that why God sent us down here just to get hurt and still love them over and over again? What do you think should be done with that love? I hope i make sense. For those who are looking for ways to fight bullies without being violent, there you go: You need to keep few things in mind: And by others, i mean all others.

Even the colleague who keeps planning ill for you. Even the bullies who keep making fun of you. Good deeds explain you better than words do. Keep a smile on your face. Not only does it erase distances, it also makes you more approachable and less mysterious. And, it also gives other person a chance to befriend you. He would do it with his group of friends, and joke about me with them, and it bugged me, real bad. It went on for half a year, until i started giving him a weird smile whenever i saw him.

Idk what happened, maybe it freaked him out idk, lol! Who knew smile could be a weapon to scare people off? Anyways, I started smiling everytime we crossed each other, and after almost 4 months, i got an instagram request from her, and of course, she stalked me and got to know me, and now she says salam hi everytime she crosses me and even stopped to ask me random questions about my studies. Say Hi to as many people as possible. It not only invites more people towards you, but also develops a sense of belonging to others and it feels even better when people start saying hi back to you without you expecting them to.

Mind that I do not mean that you should belittle or judge others, this tip just applicable people who are prone to negativity, no matter what you do.

I do not mean be rude, but just not let others in until you strongly believe that they are worth it, and it might take years for you to figure out if someone deserves to be trusted. Thank you for describing my personality so well. You are too good Michaela. I think people like us should be very valued by society.

We are more direct and productive and easier to get along with and less likely to cause trouble. We get the job done while we are good to people and then we just want to be left alone. Because we are Happy!!!! I am very much a social butterfly and make friends easily. People like me and I generally like to be around people of all walks of life. I really enjoy a mixed crowd. I have a low tolerance for ignorant stupidity and no room for bigotry but I will be friendly to almost anyone.

I am, however, not one to take on close friends.

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In almost every case of close friendship over the years I have been suddenly abandoned for reasons that have never been revealed to me. A lifelong childhood friend and another high school buddy just up and moved one day without any word to me whatsoever. A friend I made later in life and spent an enormous amount of time with gradually migrated away from our friendship and became extremely cold to me.

So, I gave up on close friends and maintain either very close aquaintances or loose friendships. I never invite others to my place. Everyone knows me and says hi but I am the loneliest man in the world. I deal with depression and sometimes being social is overwhelming for me. I often make plans to attend something but end up talk myself out of attending. When I do get home I am exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically.

Many times I crave the interaction with friends or family and other times I have to force myself to go to things. I struggle to find the balance I need to make life work for me! Well im like that in a way i just dont like talking to ppl period. I hate crowded places,like family events or even to the mall or a zoo ill get so overwhelmed at points i just want to cry.

Yep this me down to an absolute tee. Just occasionally I can have a string of folk turning up over the weekend, if no line is drawn by Monday morning its running on empty time at work. I am a complete social introvert. I am also an Extroverted introvert. It becomes difficult for out friends to understand us that we need some time for self and the same thing seems strange to them.

Thanks for making me feel sane. This is very much me! I wish I could be a full on extrovert. It would make life much easier. I want to make more friends, network for business, and date more, but my introversion kills me. I find that I kind of binge socialize. I get a need for a lot of socializing, and I spend 3 days in a row at bars, and then I retreat back home for the rest of the month.

How can I get more energy so I can be more extroverted!? I also pushed myself to play in a band and have been playing gigs inform of people and it has gone well, but after I feel soo drained and need that recharge as mentioned. I feel I fear meeting people I already know for some reason in say a mall or home town event and that gives me anxiety for what ever reason any one have similar experiences? Hahahaha…this is soo me! You have just perfectly summed up my life!

Heard the term for a while and finally checked it out… if i knew it would have finally make so much sense of what my friends and family refer to as alien like tendency. I was always good. I am always called an extravert since I am usually outgoing, but as said in this article I am truly an introvert.

I am drained quickly and more.

This is me in a nutshell…. Knowing the perfect question to ask is actually far more imperative in comparison with having a prepared reply. Perfect questions challenge your own reasoning. Scientific studies are rather lucid that we value people who listen to us. Our task and aims are unquestionably at the heart of who we are and who we would like to be. In the simplest of terms, proper questions are our instrument for aiding to see the genuine inescapable fact around us instead of shadowy depictions of it.

Ask elementary questions regarding the things which everybody else takes for certain. People are willing to forgive. They want to enjoy an ideal dialog together with you. We do things for numerous different reasons. Once you ask somebody as to what satisfies them, it opens the door to discovering an issue that is invariably extraordinary to that individual. It may be a sensationa instance for others once you bring in them to reveal their goals with you. I hate to say this but I thought I am the only one.

I thought I was retarded or mentally ill… makes me wanted to kill myself sometimes. I can relate to this so much. I have no problem spending my social bank account on people, because I love to be with people. Raising my hand here and glad to be counted among the rest of you! First marriage ended when my wife of 9 years suddenly checked out of reality and walked away, leaving me with our 4 year old child. Mental illness is a concept that very few people can grasp, however given all the mental health professionals that have weighed in here, I suspect I am among those that do.

It took a couple years to understand the cause, but her doctors settled on her behavior stemming from a genetic issue, and eventually I was able to come to terms with the loss and move on. Fast forward four years. I met someone who I felt a strong connection with, who was outgoing and had weathered a divorce as well, who had a daughter around the same age as my son. It was instant chemistry and we were both eager to tie the knot, but soon after doing so I discovered what had been hidden … alcoholism, narcissism, irresponsibility.

Less than a year in, I ended it and started the divorce process once again.

That was over a year ago and I have the finish line in sight, thankfully. But like I said at the beginning, the pieces were once again dashed on the floor and I was left to put them back together again, wondering all kinds of things; mostly about why I let this happen. I had paid no attention to them when I took the test a decade before, but back then, being happily married, I had no real reason to. Now, reading those results was like visiting a psychiatrist. Not sure if I will eventually find the right match, but now, with knowing and accepting the personality type that I have, I at least have hope that I understand myself better, like what to embrace and what to avoid.

Thanks Michaela for your articles! This is so accurate. And the friendship part! But I just recently tried to make a new neighbor friend and between work and church commitments I would have no social battery left by the time I got home. I do feel so, but what do you think it tells about me, who is a person who finds it hard to have a staple set of friends and keeps changing them in the due course of time….? Your email address will not be published.

Jen on October 8, at 1: LoriA on October 11, at 1: Shelley on December 30, at I too am a therapist and psychiatric nurse… You have said it well. Lorraine Johnson on June 8, at 6: Andrea on August 19, at 9: Arleta on September 23, at Joey on October 12, at 2: Maybe it is tight together with what is described here? RJM on December 16, at I know exactly what we need to do. Samantha on January 1, at 1: Marilyn on January 2, at That sounds like a cruel thing to say about a stranger who you have never met. Carmel on January 6, at Hephzibah on January 11, at 1: John on January 19, at Sean on February 14, at 5: Brandon on September 13, at 2: Guida on October 22, at 1: Ruth Adams on November 4, at 1: Ego basically is mind.

We start to believe we are the mind ego. Mind is the tool we use. Elizabeth on February 9, at 7: Cheryl Owens on January 4, at 2: Catty on December 28, at 5: Barnes on January 6, at Susan on September 1, at 1: Reading your comments to this post made me feel more normal! Jen on February 11, at 8: Tasha on July 19, at 2: Jennifer on September 23, at 3: Wow …same here Reply. Ccc on February 11, at Celena on February 12, at Diana on September 24, at 3: Ashar on August 21, at 4: So damn relate sooooo damn relatable Reply.

Faith omojola on May 21, at 5: This is the perfect definition of me Reply. BJ on December 31, at 1: Shannon on December 16, at 1: Shannon on December 30, at 2: Janice on December 18, at 5: Ashleigh on January 7, at Pattie on February 11, at 8: The Wizard on December 25, at 4: Jen Williams on December 28, at 5: Betty on December 29, at Margie on January 1, at Maureen on December 30, at 3: Tiffany on May 10, at 4: Cha-cha on December 30, at 3: Kathy on January 2, at Sharon Smith on January 2, at 5: Tim on January 4, at 1: Aaron Chanda on January 6, at 2: Devin on January 9, at Rachel on June 24, at 1: Moxie on July 1, at Kirste on July 19, at 3: Mmasape on August 29, at 5: Jide on September 7, at 7: I an happy to know that I am not alone and sure feel more confident after reading this article Reply.

U just reflected xactly wat i feel bout myself.. Nora on November 12, at Thank you for that! T Halstead on January 13, at Evalyne on February 16, at 7: Jenny on June 2, at Roxy on January 9, at Indeed, the pattern fits me a lot. Thank you for providing the term. Thank you for making me feel normal xd Reply. Jay on May 1, at 8: Girl on August 3, at Charloyte on September 21, at Grace Spellmann on October 5, at 3: Arthur on October 18, at 9: Adam on October 8, at 2: Kuri the Vegan on October 8, at 2: Michaela on October 8, at 3: Jacques on October 9, at 1: Sandy on October 9, at I for one am happy to use a more descriptive term that captures the concept more elegantly!

ShaolinTiger on October 20, at 2: I prefer the term situational extrovert which is how I explain it to people.

12 signs you're an extroverted introvert

RY on November 12, at 6: Abigail on December 29, at 6: Karen on December 28, at 1: Irene Ross on December 27, at Eileen Momsen on December 29, at 5: Kevin on December 28, at 7: Patrick on January 3, at Sheila on October 9, at 2: Laura on October 8, at 2: Douglas on October 8, at 3: Graeme on October 8, at 3: Items 3 thru 5 are me in a nutshell. John on January 7, at 3: Lidia on February 9, at 8: Way to use the internet to help people solve prmbleos!

Carol on October 8, at 3: Patricia Weber on October 8, at 4: Michaela for me, 3 of the 6 apply: Then 3,4,5 are so so. On a daily basis, I might go either way: Rick H on October 10, at 2: Ralph on October 8, at 5: Sue on October 8, at 6: Jonna on October 19, at Karla on October 8, at 9: I highly doubt you are anti-social.

Adriene on October 8, at Even though I do volunteer my time with the Master Gardeners it does drain the living hell out of me and I just sit for an hour trying to come down for social interaction Reply. Steve on October 9, at 3: Jacquelyn Strickland on October 9, at 9: Wayne on October 9, at Michaela on October 9, at 1: Kathleen Dugan on December 19, at 9: Michael Lapointe on October 9, at Angela on January 4, at 7: Professor Andrew Czarn Esq on October 9, at Hi Michaela Your definition of an extroverted introvert fairly much describes me perfectly.

Rick H on October 10, at 1: Jas on October 12, at 6: Jim on October 18, at Chrissy on October 19, at End up consoling myself with the sure knowledge: Then I pray when I do, I die in my sleep, just the same. Eliza on October 26, at 3: Alicia on October 27, at 4: Kym on October 29, at 2: Renzy on November 27, at 7: David Brys on December 19, at 3: Andrianov Lovanshandsky on December 19, at 5: Daniel on December 19, at 5: Daniel on December 19, at 6: Clarke on December 20, at Michaela on December 20, at 9: Ernest on December 20, at Thanks for these articles Michaela!

Patty on December 21, at 9: Yvonne Diamond on December 21, at Kim on December 22, at